Corporate Cartoons
There was a period of time when it seemed that just about everybody at work who had a presentation to give wanted my cartoons included. I've always suspected this was just a means in which to keep everyone awake - as I've experienced most of these presentations to be excruciatingly boring. Executives would be the most spend thrifty. Having the largest budgets and the biggest egos, they would ask for numerous cartoons depicting their own likenesses in self-congratulating acts of heroism and achievement.

Occasionally the person requesting a cartoon or two was just another working stiff like myself - some nervous guy with a presentation to give who was eager for any distraction at all from the mundane. These were the cartoons I'd enjoy the most - because they usually conveyed a call for help. Something in their department needed fixing, support, or just a level of understanding - and I was there to get the point across with a sense of humor. Taken out of context I don't expect any of these cartoons to make much sense - but here are a few of them anyway.

Got a PowerPoint presentation due tomorrow?
Go ahead... click away - If you find any cartoon here that you feel you can make use of again in your OWN presentation, right click n' copy to your hearts content...

...and if it somehow results in you getting promoted to that big corner office you always wanted just remember Jzero's Sketchbook accepts donations! Ahem!

Meet The Kittles

Back in the late 70s when rumors were running rampant about The Beatles getting back together for $50 million - my High School chum Lloyd and I decided to put out our own Beatlemania magazine - only we decided to turn them into cats and call them The Kittles!

Being we attended the High School Of Art & Design, perhaps it should not have come as a surprise then just how quickly Kittlemania spread amongst our fellow artist friends - many of who were eager to submit their own renditions of the Fur Fab Four for our second edition. Even the school's faculty, who were more likely to be first generation Beatle fans got into the craze - permitting us to play a pre-recorded Kittlemania spot over the school's PA system, announcing when and where issues were going on sale. I remember feeling the staff may have been bending school rules just a bit for our cause - I mean surely this wouldn't have been permissible for any other non-curriculum ventures.

One morning in homeroom class I thought I had somehow gotten myself in a bit of trouble when I was handed a note from the Dean's office! (Nobody ever got handed a note from the Dean's office for any GOOD reason!) Hesitantly, I peered down at the paper in my hand....

Some years later I decided to dust off those Kittle boots again and reintroduce them to a whole new target audience in a self-published Beatles fanzine I did called F.A.B. (Fanatic About Beatles). Pre-empting the obvious questions like "Why are they cats?" I decided to explain all of those quandaries in "The Origins Of The Kittles", a funny collaborative project between myself and my pal, Mark - who was also a co-worker of mine - and featured a good dose of insider jokes and (just to amuse ourselves) the likenesses of two other co-worker friends, Ted and Scott.

When F.A.B. ended it's run in '97, pretty much so did the Kittles, with a few exceptions here and there. One funny little Kittles comic that comes to mind was one that actually didn't feature the Kittles at all, until the final frame - as instead it followed two fanatical Kittles fans, Suzy Jo Ellen and Debbie May Peterson (two good Catholic girls I assume) and their do-or-die preparations to "Meet The Kittles!"

To point out just a few of the Kittles pics here: On a rooftop in Litterbox, England... getting ready for a show with Mal the roadie... the great "Dead" Sullivan himself... their first appearance on his show... and a neat little spell-binding animated gif. I can watch that thing forever!

The Kittles Invade Italy?

After spotting an online reproduction of The Kittles Magical Mystery Tour I was contacted by Fabio Schiavo, a journalist and staff writer for Italy's Rolling Stone magazine - who showed great interest in presenting The Kittles as part of a "Beatles In Cartoon" exhibit which was held in Milan, Italy! Shortly thereafter he launched an online database in which, again - the Kittles were featured - and even more recently he announced that they were working on a book with an American release set for 2013!

Just your average homicidal maniac, drawn with a nearly dried out Flair pen. Funny how markers on their way out hit a brief point when they're just "perfect" to use - just before they give up the ghost.

A Flair For The Macabre

This little ghoulish drawing is just my tip of the hat to Berni Wrightson. I'm not sure what he's doing these days, but some years ago I'd lose myself in his beautifully horrific drawings. He was known for his penchant for bringing classic horror to life - his illustrations of Mary Shelly's Frankenstein, the works of Edgar Allen Poe, and numerous appearances in Warren Publications like "Creepy" and "Eerie" - which I'd scour from cover to cover.

I bumped into him once (almost literally) when I mistakenly showed up a day early to an exhibit he was doing titled "Somebody Please Stop Me" (a great title for a show if I ever heard one!). He was sitting on the floor, pensively going through boxes - preparing for his upcoming show. I'd never seen him before and it struck me kind of funny that this quiet, unassuming, soft spoken man could conjure up such demonic images of lunacy!

His poster for the show featured an axe murderer, surrounded by severed heads - and well, as you can see I've been somewhat influenced! heh heh - thanks Berni!

In support of those suffering from Coulrophobia

People in the clown profession absolutely HATE the fact that they're more FEARED than loved. It's true. Many of them live in denial. Those are the ones that insist on hiring themselves out to children's parties and pretend to be blissfully unaware at the terrified ones cowering in the corners, shitting their Garanimals. I knew a woman who would rent herself out as Miracles The Clown. It was a miracle no one comitted suicide at the sight of her.

To even the score I prefer to belittle clowns as much as possible. Like propaganda art during World War II that would lampoon the enemy forces, these are my attempts to disarm clowns where it hurts most. Making fun of their act going wrong, and uh... drawing clown's with erectile dysfunction.

Oh yes, and similiar to the satisfaction one might get after dunking a clown at a carnival - I've created a little game where you can battle your Coulrophobia in the privacy of your own room (see below) while flinging objects into Phlegmy The Clown's mouth! Enjoy!

Here's what you'll need:

1. A couple of sheets of paper and a printer connected to your computer.

2. Two pieces of something sturdy, but easy to cut through, like cardboard or foam core.

3. Scissors (or an exacto-blade knife for you professionals)

4. Glue, tape or a stapler (whatever you have)

5. Some small projectiles (like paper clips) and something to project them with (like rubber bands)

You can also use peanuts, raisins, Tic Tacs, Cheerios, mini marshmallows - whatever - and something to fling 'em, like a plastic spoon, ice-cream stick, etc. Oh yes, and of course spit balls and a straw will do! Sounds like fun already, eh?

The Game:

See how many projectiles you can fling into Phlegmy's mouth from a distance. Start with 3 or 4 feet and gradually back away. Assuming you're not a shut-in loner, ask a friend to play with you.

Choose a different projectile than your friend, or the same projectile, different color - fling away, and then when you and your friend are depleted, count the ones that made it inside Phlegmy's mouth and see who flung in the most. If you or your friend should accidentally knock Phlegmy over - the other person automatically wins that round.

For added fun - make up your own rules (and perhaps penalties?) and have yourselves a ball!

Create your own Phlegmy The Clown humiliation game!
The game where Coulrophobiacs fight back!

What to do:

First, click on this picture of Phlegmy (on the left) to automatically open the print file. The file is approximately 1 mb in size and may take about a minute or so to download (so be patient) - but if nothing happens, that means you need Adobe Acrobat Reader installed on your computer - which you can get for free by clicking this "Get Acrobat Reader" icon.

When the file opens, turn your printer on and print out the two pages within the file. Page one is Phlegmy The Clown [fig 1] and page two is the back of his throat [fig 2]. Don't be afraid.

Glue, tape or staple page one (Phlegmy's face) onto one of your cardboard pieces [fig 3]. You may decide to trim off the white border around the edge (that's optional.) Now carefully cut out Phlegmy's mouth following the dotted line [fig 4]. Be careful not to cut off your fingers. When you finish - count your fingers. There should be five on each hand [fig 5].

Now take page two (Phlegmy's throat) and reinforce this like you did his face, by either gluing, stapling or taping it to your other piece of cardboard. Like with the face, you can trim it (cut off the white border) and with your thumbs - bend it into a curve, image side facing up [fig 6]. Don't worry about how it's wrinkling - keep bending it until it takes on sort of a "U" shape [fig 7].

Place Phlegmy's face (face down) and align Phlegmy's throat (also face down) on top of it, about a 1/4" from the bottom and sitting just outside of the mouth opening. [fig 8]. Using glue, tape or staples, attach the throat in this position to the back of the head [fig 9].

You'll see that when you stand it up, Phlegmy's throat also serves as a neat little "stand" [fig 10] so that he can be placed on any flat surface without falling over. Now if you can just refrain from screaming, you're ready to begin playing!